


dreams and reality should not mean the same thing

by extra_plus_ordinary



Series: Blupjeans Drabbles [5]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Barry has a nightmare and wakes up to a nightmare, Blupjeans angst, Post-Balance, Post-Canon, Taako but barely - Freeform, There's kissing though I promise you that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 09:59:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13245837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extra_plus_ordinary/pseuds/extra_plus_ordinary
Summary: He turns to kiss her and she isn't there.(Or: Barry goes from one nightmare to another.)





	dreams and reality should not mean the same thing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Boat_Nectar1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boat_Nectar1/gifts).



> This was supposed to be a prompt but like oh well we're used to this by now  
> I wrote this at 3AM so not my best work

  
He knows this nightmare far too well.   
  
They're on one of the Starblaster's balconies, miles above the world below. It's a mild day, the sky peppered with white clouds that sail over their heads. A table and two chairs are nailed down into the metal; Merle's tea table, nailed down by Davenport after several consecutive years of having them fly away during one of his stunts.   
  
The table is covered by a map, sprinkled with slashes and dots. His hands hover over one particular dot and he hears himself state a place near the Felicity Wilds and Taako's answer. He's had this nightmare often enough that most words just fade out of focus until-   
  
"What if she's just gone, Taako?" He says this  in an outburst of unexpected hopelessness. They'd both been hopeful during the search, and when they weren't hopeful they were desperate, and sometimes they couldn't tell the difference.   
  
He expects Taako to brush him off, faking confidence that they'd find her _ dead or alive, Barold, because at this point who cares?  _ and they'd go back to doing whatever they were doing at the time. He expects him to get angry, to snap and say something cold before leaving in a huff, only to come back a day later and pretend like nothing had happened.  _ Sorry, I guess, _ he'd say after a while.  _ But it was your fucking fault.  _ __  
  
He expects-he expects-   
  
He doesn't expect this.   
  
"Who?"   
  
Static begins to fill his ears.   
  
He's forgetting again, he's forgetting everyone  _ all over again _ and he can feel her memories, her laugh her face her _ name _ slipping from his mind and he asks something, begs for it and the last thing he remembers is flying over the edge of a ship and looking at an elf he doesn't recognize and he's not smiling, he's screaming at the unfairness of it all as sky blue turns to dirt brown turns to blood red turns to inky black-   
  
He wakes up in a cold sweat. The ceiling above him isn't the cold metal of the Starblaster nor the rocky stalagmites that peppered Wave Echo cave. It's drywall. He's in an apartment.    
  
He's in  _ their  _ apartment.   
  
He looks to his side and she isn't there.   
  
A shiver of fear races through his body as he sits up and throws the covers off the bed. The other side is cold and neat, free of any wrinkles that would give away the past presence of another body. He gets up, waving his hand to turn on the lights as he looks around the room.   
  
Her clothes are strewn across the drawers and on the floor. There's makeup littering a vanity he would have no use for, lipsticks uncapped and left lying on their sides.   
  
He goes to cap them out of habit, lining them just so. He can hear her laugh near his ear, hands tangling in his hair. _ Aw, Beans,  _ she cooes, watching him work.  _ Such an organized nerd. _ __  
  
He turns to kiss her and she isn't there.   
  
Another part of their life sinks in. They'd been summoned, few minutes before their shift ended. It was usually nothing, some low level necromancer with a book too strong for them, or perhaps some wayward worshipper of the Raven Queen. She'd offered to go alone.   
  
"Summoning circles aren't that big, you know," She'd teased him, poking his stomach. "I'll be back before dinner."   
  
"Stay safe," he'd told her, kissing her nose.   
  
It was past dinner. And she _ wasn't there.  _   
  
He tries her stone but she doesn't answer. He phones again and again and again but there's no connection, his own stone turning red each time. _ The frequency you're trying to reach is not an actual stone... _ __  
  
He swears and tries Kravitz's. A sleepy voice answers at the second ring.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
"Krav?" His voice comes out high pitched and tense and he'd usually take a moment to compose himself but  _ not now, _ not when there were other things to do. "Is Lup at your place?"   
  
"Lup?" The sleepiness is gone from his boss's voice and he can hear the shifting of sheets as he gets up. "No, she's not. Is she not back?" Kravitz is whispering now, pointedly not in the same room he was a few seconds ago. There was no need to scare Taako. Not yet, anyway.   
  
"It's been  _ hours _ , Krav," He's moved to the living room, looking for any sign that she might have somehow slipped in while he was sleeping, maybe left a note?  ~~ back soon ~~ "She hasn't shown up, this isn't like her."   
  
"Have you tried her-"   
  
_ "Of course I've tried it!" _ He snaps and he can feel a wave of energy lash out of him, tipping a glass laying empty on the table. He pauses and takes a second to calm down, to calm  _ the fuck down you're helping no one being like this _ and tries again.   
  
"Her stone isn't working. I-I think it might be broken."   
  
The line is silent for a while before Kravitz speaks again. "I'll check with the Raven Queen. She'd know if Lup-if she-"   
  
"Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks, Krav."   
  
"No problem. Listen, do you need me to stay on the line?"   
  
"No, no, I'll be fine. Just get back to me when you can, alright?"   
  
"I will. Don't worry so much, I'm sure she's just lost in the Fantasy Costco or something. She'll be back after she burns the place down."   
  
He chuckles weakly at Kravitz's attempt at lightheartedness and says goodbye before sitting down on the couch. He tries to ignore the anxiety that grips him, turning his stone around and around in his hand.    
  
_ What if she's just gone? _   
  
His grip tightens around the stone as he tries to clamp down on the fear that threatens to rise up, to take over his thoughts and scramble his magic. She can't be gone, she's a lich (that's what was said last time) she's strong, she's a reaper for crying out loud (reapers can be trapped, ask Kravitz) she's not gone (but what if she is?)   
  
He's starting to glow red, magical energy pouring off of him in waves. His body feels light, open, as if it was a hollow tube he could slip out of at anytime. There's a vague idea at the back of his mind that the Raven Queen would not let this go, that there would be reprimanding in the form of darkness and numbness but he couldn't care less, so wrapped up in his fear that he barely feels him body fall backwards onto the sofa, or his soul rising upwards, swathed in magic and love and bone wracking fear-   
  
"Barry?"   
  
He turns (not his body, still gasping and twitching on the couch but his soul itself) to see his wife.   
  
She's halfway between her skeletal and fleshy form, scythe flickering from her hands as she steps through the rift in the middle of the room. She's looking at him with an expression he's seen only a few times, usually when he was about to do something that was bound to get him killed or right before it did. She looks-she looks scared, her face a mirror to what he was feeling at that exact moment. They feared for each other, and that realization is what snaps him back into reality.   
  
"Shit."    
  
He drops down back into his body, wincing as he feels his internal organs scream back to life. He gasps for air, lungs still expanding and contracting erratically and he feels a hand on his back, whispering softly in his ear as he focuses on breathing in, out, in, out.   
  
It takes him a while to stabilize but he does it. There's a moment of silence between them, a heartbeat where neither of know what to say before they don't bother, leaning into each other and holding on for dear life. He buries his face into her chest and cries, heavy, stuttering sobs that shake him but she holds on, running her hands down his back and saying  _ it's okay, I'm okay, we're okay, I'm sorry _ __  
__  
He pulls away to face her. She looks tired but otherwise alright and he nearly breaks down again in relief before he sees his stone flashing on the floor. He leaves their embrace to pick it up.   
  
"Barry?" Kravitz's voice fills the room. "I checked with our Queen and Lup is-"   
  
"Fine, Krav, thank you for asking," Lup says softly. "Sorry to scare you both. The guys calling Reaper Central weren't exactly...easy to deal with." He whips around to look at her and she squeezes his hand, flashing a confident grin. "Cha'girl obvs took care of it, no sweat, but I  __ did  have to use some...extreme measures? Expect a lot of paperwork tomorrow morning. Speaking of which, I'm not coming in tomorrow and neither is my husband since we are both very, very tired and deserve a break okay? Okay thank you Krav I love you so much tell Koko I said hi."   
  
She cuts the frequency before he can get another word in and turns to face Barry again, a hand coming up to brush a lock of hair away from his face and cup his cheek. "I'm sorry," she says again. "The summoners-they broke my stone before I even-"   
  
"I missed you," he croaks out and brings their lips together. He can taste the salt from his own tears but he doesn't care. All he can think about is that she's here, she's home, she's safe and that she's not gone.    
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Yell at me on tumblr I'm [@extra-plus-ordinary](http://extra-plus-ordinary.tumblr.com/)


End file.
